To the Friend Whos Been Cheated On

My Friend,

People ask you if you’re doing okay. You shrug it off, make a joke, lighten the situation any way you can. You say that you’re fine, and maybe you are. But I thought I would say the things swimming inside my brain anyhow. You never know.

I can recall a devastating season in my past, but it coincided with the first time I had heard God’s voice clearly in a long time. Normally a short commute to work, this day I was traveling out of town for my job. So as I drove a quiet stretch of road I was faced with time to truly have to think about what was going on in my life.

I had not cried out to God in what seemed ages, but in that moment of brokenness I wailed to my Heavenly Father, “help me, God!”

My comfortable life had been shaken. The night before my husband of six years had broken the news that he did not want to be with me anymore. Shell-shocked I prayed for answers, I prayed for comfort.

Do you know what God told me?

He told me what I already knew. He told me my husband wasn’t happy. But He also told me it wasn’t my fault.

I want you to know it’s not your fault. Hey, maybe you already know that, but considering how fragile human hearts can be, especially when broken, it seemed prudent to offer this advice.

You see, I reckon human beings are made with a hole in our hearts. It’s one that was put there by sin, and the only way to stop it up and fill it right is with Jesus. But what happens is the whole dang world goes on a shopping spree searching for a quick fix to that deep sadness inside them. They fill their hearts up with all sorts of things, but none of it sticks. So when a partner goes wandering, looking for love other than the one right beside them, it’s cause they’re trying to fix a leak. It’s not your fault.

We’re a broken lot, and most of us don’t even know how to love ourselves. So when a spouse can’t even love themselves, they go searching for someone to love them. They need someone to make them feel special, or beautiful, or handsome, or talented, or needed, or whatever. They rely on another human to make them feel loved. There’s a lot of things I don’t know in this life, but I do know one thing for sure. Only the Lord can love us like we need to be loved. It’s how we’re wired. The problem is a lot of folks don’t realize that, so they have to keep searching for that feeling. First, they think they found it in you, but you know how that turns out. You can’t save someone!

I remember coming to that realization all those years back, driving down that lonesome road to work. My husband (at the time) wasn’t happy. He wasn’t happy with life in general. He changed everything, and I guess he thought changing wives would fix him. I could be wrong, but that’s what I felt like God told me at the time. And I took comfort in knowing it wasn’t all on me. Yes, there were things I could have done better, but in the end, I couldn’t carry all that weight. And neither can you.

I guess it comes down to all of us needing more Jesus inside [of] us. We’d love ourselves more, appreciate the people we’re with better, and cultivate relationships with Him at the center. I’ve learned a lot since then. I guess we’re all just a work in progress.

So keep working on you, for sure, but don’t place all the blame on your shoulders either. You’ll never be everything to someone. Sometimes women cheat cause they’re struggling to find that love that humans can’t give alone, and sometimes husbands leave cause they’re searching far and wide for a bucket of happiness to fill that void in their heart. It hurts for now, I know, even if you try and act like it doesn’t. But take heart in knowing you can’t be a savior. That job’s already taken. It’s just not everyone realizes that when they’re holding out a frantic hand, looking for someone to throw them a rope in this life.

Your job now is to fill your bucket with the right stuff, and pray for them that maybe one day they’ll do the same. You gotta forgive ’em, cause being mad just puts more holes in your own bucket. Been there, done that. Take it one day at a time, and when you get to feeling really empty (because you’re human, and you will), I pray God fills you to overflowing.

I’ve found this world will for sure give you a heap more than you can handle, but then the good Lord comes in and gives you the strength you need to get through.

Hold on to His strength.

Always,

Your Friend

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